Friday, January 28, 2011

Day 5 - "God and Laughter"

Day 5 - "Of all the things God created, I am often most grateful He created laughter." - Charles Swindoll

Good grief. I spent all day yesterday, and a ridiculously large amount of my should-have-been-sleeping time thinking about how I would ponder these words yet again. This 'duel personality' double blogging thing is hard! While it's frighteningly true that I seem to have a bit of a split personality, even I manage to feel like I've said it all sometimes. Such was the case yesterday. Until...

Oh yes, there is nearly always an until in my world...

I wasted the day trying to think of new ways to say how we use laughter to get through tough events. I turned my brain inside out, shook it up, and even tried a power wash or two...but I couldn't get anywhere. Then, as I laid there trying to sleep, feeling ever-so-awful about how much I'd eaten finally dawned on me. OK, maybe it more like smacked me upside the ripples of my fat rolls... But, 'dawned on me' sounds so much better, I think I'll go with it.

What I realized was that there is one more huge, glaring reason I appreciate that God made humor, my butt. Or rather, the width of my seemingly ever growing back of my front. Then again, my front is far too sizable as well, so count that as yet another reason. What the blazes am I rambling about? In short, I appreciate God making humor because I'm going to need a whoppin' boatload of it as I try to tackle my seven deadly sins again: food, food, food, food...aww, you get the idea.

Yes, I figure I might as well go for changing my body as I try to change my outlook. Way, WAY easier said than done. You don't get to be my size by occasionally over-indulging. No, there is a fair amount of STRESS eating in my world. And worst of all, there is MORE than a fair amount of food sensitivities going on here. It's not fair. In fact, it stinks worse than month-old Limberger cheese left in a heating duct.

I really wish I could tell you I've porked up because I've enjoyed 6000 calorie days of Big Macs, bon bons, and baked Alaskas. Seriously, I wish I could say that, it would have been a lot more fun getting here. No, my vices are far less interesting, and dang it - I've never had that much fun. Contrary to what the skinny, judgemental people of the world think, not every overweight person consumes truckloads of low-brow fare. Sometimes, it's more about the what eat, and the how much our bodies hate it, that matters.

As for me? My contentious old bod hates wheat, yeast, potatoes, peanuts, cashews, sunflowers, and sugar. It's not fond of rice, corn, bananas, and dairy. Personally, I dislike most meat (I'm a very bad carnivore). Which frankly....leaves extraordinarily little on my 'good' list. In the few times I've been able to entirely remove the 'badduns' from my plate, I really do feel better. But good golly miss Molly...that's a whopper (yes, every pun intended) of an order!

To say I've been stressed the past few weeks would be as collosal an understatement as, Mt Rushmore was slightly challenging to complete. I think I've reached Mt Fuji sized heapin' quantities of stress. Therefore, it shouldn't be a giant leap of logic that I know I've been 'stress eating'. Does that mean I've been wolfing down gallons of ice cream, piles of doughnuts, and bucketfuls of chocolate? No.

My personal demons? Frosted Mini-Wheats. No, really, I'm serious! The little crunchy buggers are like crack to me. Little bit of sweet, LOTS of crunch....ooooh...heavenly. I've also, horror of horrors, been eating peanuts and the occasional spoon of peanutbutter. Gads! I've even gotten so decadent as to have a slice of toast twice. Both with peanutbutter ON them! Oh the inhumanity of it all...

I've indulged in dried apricots, dried cranberries, and raisins. I've eaten potatoes, baked and in the perfectly perfect form of those around a meatloaf. I've even dipped into that terrible pot of homemade stew, ripe with potatoes and corn. Shame, shame on me.

Doesn't that list of evils look terrifying to you? Aren't I a shameful pig? I don't think so either. Only a large part of population automatically assumes I am when they see me. I must be indulging in creamhorns and canolis - after all, whole grains and fruits and vegetables couldn't possibly make someone as fat as me... Consider that laughing point number one - the jokes on them. Their stupid whole grains are possibly the worst for me!

Laughing point number two? The fact that so many healthy things hate me. C'mon, it's funny. I'm one of the few humans on earth who LOVE Grapenuts, Shredded Wheat, and All-bran cereal. Admit it, the rest of you eat it to keep your crapper happy. I actually like it. And yet? I sends my body into a tailspin. No fair I say. NO FAIR!

So, here it is. I'm going to embrace the idea that God gave us humor, by begging Him to provide me with an abundance of it as I try my best to detox and reset my tastebuds again. It usually takes a few months to convince myself I no longer want the terrible things. I will likely have dancing bagel dreams and shredded wheat surfing fantasies. But I might as well tackle it all now - while I'm working hard to get my head and heart retrained in other ways. Misery loves company, so to speak.

It's going to be a rough start though. I've already started today on the wrong foot. I ate two dried apricots. Bad, bad dieter...

God help me.

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