Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Feb 28, 2012

Wow...yet another year has passed, and I'm still a honkin' ball o' fat. Ugh.

This time, it's smacked me straight in the face in the form of pictures from an event I just spoke at. There is something truly awful about being proud of what you've said/done - then seeing yourself in photos and thinking, "Who the Hell is that fat woman using my hair?"

Um, yeah...she's ME, and this is rather suckish.

OK, so here's the thing. I'm not going to tell a nittin' soul about this. Well, that's a fib, my kids are going to have to know, so they can throw themselves between me and the peanutbutter in my weaker moments. Maybe me and the bread...spaghetti...baked potatoes.... Crap, the list is long. Anywhooo, the kids know, and I'm going to sneak here and post for my own sanity - but I'm not full out advertising this for a while. I've failed so MANY times. I'm not terribly sure my feeble self esteem can handle another public capital F.

Why am I bat crazy enough to attempt it AGAIN? Because cancer kids don't give up. Corny, I know. But Christina is on her 4th or 5th relapse, and she's still fighting like Hades to stay alive. If she hasn't thrown in the towel, then neither can I. Am I likening my pudge to her cancer? Good grief, no. But I have relapsed, in judgement - in resolve - in determination. My will power has flown the coop too many times to count. And well, the Buckeyethon kids shamed me immensely this past weekend. I'm not a fan of that, so it's high time I "Buck up" and do something about it.

The kids were kind, wonderful, supportive, and loving - in SPITE of my physical appearance. They accept me for who I am, and I am incredibly humbled by that. But, they also shame me with their determination for 'my' kids. They raise money, dedicate their time, and go through physical torture for cancer kids. Damn it all, it's high time I step up and really put my arse where my mouth is!

Heaven help me - it's Day One of my 90 challenge. May God and the food nymphs have mercy on my pathetic soul...

Alicia - the Crazy Cancer Mom who cares - but sucks and following through.

PS - yeah - the language in this particular post was less-than-academic or politically correct. Bite me.


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