Rat crap and bat farts. The date just jumped up and bit my not-shrunken-enough-for-my-liking bummage. I expected to be approaching feminine and sultry by now - not holding at fat and sassy. Crap on stress and comfort foods!
Well, c'mon. I suppose its not entirely fair to blame my bulge on the stress. After all, the stress didn't bend my elbow, or use the jaws of life to pry my pathetically skinny lips open. (oh yeah, I do have one ridiculously skinny thing - my upper lip. For real, if I dare to smile, the darn thing utterly disappears! Cryin' shame my rear end doesn't disappear if I shake it...) No, no...I have to lay claim to my lack of forward progress.
Basically, its a darn sight easier to be pudgy! This thin-quest is time-consuming. I now understand how those crazy people can lose so much weight on "Biggest Loser" - they're removed from normal life. No kids to interrupt the exercise regimen, no laundry to do, homework to check, meetings to attend, diapers to be changed, floors/toilets/dishes to be washed. They don't have to shop for/pay for/prepare the healthy food. They don't have to cook/dole out/clean up the not-s0-perfect-diet-food that the rest of the family eats. In essence, those brave souls leave the real world, and suffer (oh so publicly) for a brief period of time in a complete diet vaccuum. That is starting to sound rather Eden-esque to me.
The problem with that show is that real people/real lives don't work like that. Same with the celebrity diet stories. Actress Penelope Fluff-N-Stuff looks amazing in her Designer Dudley Do-Right Dress. After gaining 50 pounds during her pregnancy, she's looking fabulous only 7 weeks after the birth. How does she do it? Well, I'll tell you how. She's got money, nothing but time to exercise, money, a personal trainer to keep her on task, money, a cook to shop for and make perfect meals, money, a nanny to allow her time to work out, money, and no real committments. Ask me how many of those categories I can qualify in? I'll give you a pickle if you can figure it out.
Pickles R Us! You guessed it! Zippo, bupkus, nada, zero de hero. I'm fighting the fat while feeding 4 kids & a he-never-gains-weight-hubby, attending hospital meetings and charity events, chasing a diapered hurricane, fighting medical mayhem with a pre-schooler, and helping two kids go to school online. My kingdom for a diet vaccuum! OK, if I had a kingdom, I might have some of the afore-mentioned money. So...how about, "My right boob for a bit of dieting peace and quiet!" (Hey, boobs are the one thing I have an overwhelming abundance of. I may as well get some use out of them.)
Point is, that show is really beginning to burn my over-sized britches. If they really want to impress me, do a reality show in a real situation. Follow real people, taking care of their families, going to work - and see if you can squeeze healthy living into their worlds, without sacrificing too much of the lives they live. I'm here to report, its not nearly as easy as it sounds. Its not as easy as I'd like/wish/hope for.
Of course, nothing worth having ever is.
Bat farts, this whole self-awareness thing really does bite.
Alicia Hall - losing weight, and my mind, raising awareness of pediatric cancer warriors and their issues - www.crazycancermom.com
I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to comment here, or email me at alicia@crazycancermom.com
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2 comments:
This is what I keep telling you!! Real life, with real people, is messy, complicated and full of fat! Celebrities and their insta-weight loss is total garbage. You are not dieting - you are changing your life, which is a much larger undertaking than a simple fad diet. Rome was not built in a day...neither was a healthy lifestyle and a smokin' ass. Both will come...I have faith. :)
Self-awareness does bite - but it is so true what "Net" said above is so true. And it is so true - you are not only losing weight but changing your life. It will happen. But it'll take a bit of time.
*hugs*
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