Saturday, September 13, 2008

September 12, 2008 Day 5

Damn croutons. They're out to get me. Seriously, I think they sit in the pantry and plot my downfall.

It seems soooo simple. Don't eat croutons, have a wheat/yeast free day. Check and check. Except reality is closer to - don't eat croutons, have a wimpy, boring salad that threatens to derail the entire diet plan and road to thin and svelteness! OK, so 8 little pieces of crunchy wonderfulness (I'm telling you, these are real words) shouldn't have this much power over me. Seriously, I shouldn't have to eat them...but they scream my name. Then they offer to massage my tonsils. Heck, they even tell me they're good for me, saving me from bigger evils. Powerful, powerful little beasties they are.

You see, this is how it went down. I really wasn't hungry at breakfast. (a good sign I'm getting a handle on my yeasty/sugar/wheat issues) I settled for a cup of coffee and eventually an ounce of cheese. Not terribly gourmet - but at least it was something.

The morning was school, school, school - so I really didn't think much about food until the kids badgered me for lunch. Oh yeah, perhaps they (and I) need some sustenance. Alright. They got noodle/chicken left overs from last night, I made my onion/egg/tomato concoction with some leftover chicken tossed in. Pretty good slop, and relatively high on the healthy scale. Two down, one to go.

Finally, it was time to stuff our faces with dinner. The kids were grilled cheese and grapes. Me? OK, did the grilled cheese smell fantastic?! Oh yeah. Color me tormented. And I don't make just any old grilled cheese. This was gourmet whole grain wheat bread, brushed with butter, slowly browned, filled with American cheese, cheddar cheese, and monterey jack. Uh huh - I'm drooling at the mere thought of it now. Last night? Sheer torture it was. Enter the crouton army.

After "dinnering" the kids, I settled on a salad for me. I'd had this amazing Cobb salad at Damon's on Wednesday, so I thought I'd try to replicate it. OK, salad mix, 2 oz of herbed chicken, 2 TBS of bacon bits, 1/2 C cheese...things were looking pretty good. Then, they called to me...

"Aleeeeeesha....(croutons can't spell) Oh Aleeeeeeeeeshaaaaaa... You know your salad is softy and wussy. If you put us on there, you'll have a crunchy wonderland. No more flimsy...you'll get crunch. You know, we're not those grilled cheeses. We're little, we're harmless.....oh Aleeeeesha......"

Stupid croutons. Who made them so literate? Then again, who made me so weak?

Damn.

10 comments:

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Croutons are henchmen of evil -they work for chocolate and have designs on improving their status in the junk food world. (currently they are consider light weights among the junk heavy hitters, but they have powerful allies/friends in bacon and cheese.) Beware of their friend, the cookie. He's shrewd and deceptively inticing - even the crappy ones look good.
You are but a foot soldier in the War of Crapitude...prepare yourself for the guerilla-type tactics of the tasty and seek that which sucks less and at least resembles what you truly want. A pudgy nation feels your pain and champions your struggle. Soldier on!

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