This blog, my website, are about pediatric cancer. Yes this is about surviving weight loss - but with an underlying purpose. I'm trying to give you a glimpse at surviving the insane world and stress of Childhood Cancer.
I laugh, I muse, I try to look at life as a rare, beautiful gift that is to be cherished each and every day we're given. For the most part, I'm a pretty positive person...but somedays...the Beast claims my heart, my energy, and my resolve.
I know people come here to laugh, to relax. I LOVE you for that! I feed off of your positive energy - I appreciate you. But as I say in my profile, I hope I can teach a thing or two sometimes, as well. Today, I want to teach you all a little bit about living with Childhood Cancer.
For many of you, this is already real. Welcome my sisters and brothers. None of us wanted to join this fraternity - but I hope you've found the hidden beauty that lies within it. I hate the Beast, I abhor the toll the Beast takes on our children and our souls...but I'm not so blind as to ignore the lessons its taught. At least, not on most days. Today, the lessons are very hard to hear.
Today, I received an email about another new ALL angel, three updates from families grieving their lost angels, and the heart wrenching news of the second relapse of an online friend's son. Mothers and fathers who understand that time with our children is "borrowed", but who will live their lives in agony because the loan simply wasn't long enough. That, is life with Childhood Cancer.
Today, I gave in when my own cancer child begged to ride her 'cooter like her big sissy. I gave in when she badgered me that she was strong enough to make it all the way down the block. I also gave in and carried the scooter back to the house, while her biggest sissy held her hand and helped her fight her way home, through pain and exhaustion. And I easily gave in tonight when, after saying it was bed time since 6 pm, she finally let herself go to sleep at 8pm. That, is life with Childhood Cancer.
Today, I came to grips with the reality of what my daughter is left with. Chemo left her with bone damage, brain damage, and now an auto-immune disorder. She is 10 months past her last dose of ritualized poisoning - and yet she faces demons of exhaustion and pain every day. Today, I realized that I thank God each night for those demons...they mean she's still here to fight. That, is life with cancer.
Today, I ate more than I should, accomplished less than I wanted to, and cried more than I like to. Tomorrow, I may do it all again. Or, I may laugh, rejoice, celebrate, and enjoy this crazy life. What makes it a life with cancer? I will do it all with an undercurrent of urgency. If I know nothing else, I know this...you just never really know...
And that is really Life With Cancer.
For today, The Beast took his toll on my heart and the souls of several people I've come to care deeply about. Tonight, I will dwell fully within my sorrow, my grief for what they've lost, for what my daughter has lost. Tomorrow, I will move forward. Tomorrow, I will renew my resolve to effect a change. I have to.
I live a Life with Cancer.
Peace and Grace to all of you.
Alicia Hall - the Crazy Cancer Mom - losing weight, and my mind, to raise awareness for pediatric cancer www.crazycancermom.com
email me your thoughts alicia@crazycancermom.com or feel free to comment, all are welcome here.
Today's menu: Lots of stuff I shouldn't have had: crackers, nachos w/cheese, pudding
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I watched a neat documentary recently about a woman living with cancer. (she was very specific about the LIVING part) Someone made her a hat that said: F*CK CANCER (spelled out of course) in large, block letters. I thought that was about the best statement I'd seen. It's a vile, horrific force that robs the world of beautiful people. It's random and scary and it should be a priority for all of us to eradicate it - immeadiately.
I have chosen a lotus blossom as the tattoo I would like to get to honor Avalon and her journey because of what the flower represents. It's a delicate flower that rises daily from mud and muck to bloom for all the world to see. It is the essence of beauty and strength in the midst of adversity. That's these kids... may I someday grow up to be like them.
Please pass along my love and tears to those who have endured recent loss. -A grateful Aunt Nettie
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