November 15, 2007

After weeks of dismal dieting dismantling...I'm climbing back on the wagon. I'm more than a bit terrified. I'm well aware that this effort will be Herculean compared to the original start. Back in September, I had the Childhood Cancer Awareness month going for me mentally. Now, I have just my over-sized rump and my love for these kids. Not that both aren't huge...but I'm honest enough to know I'm in for a doozy of a month.


Not to mention...how nutty is it to start dieting at the holidays?! Well, I've decided its time for no more excuses. My life has become one long road of excuses - and I'm a bit fed up with myself! No kidding I'm stressed. Aren't we all? No kidding that its way more fun to eat like an elephant with a sugar fetish - don't we all feel that way? Difference is, my buttocks exceed the size of most elephants, and its time I quit feeding the beasts. I've "excused" myself into size 22 britches...and that just plain ticks me off.


I've come to realize in the past few weeks, that my current method of blogging hasn't been suiting my needs. I let the blog get several weeks behind, because I was dodging having to be honest about my astronomic caloric intake. Oh...I told myself it was because I was tired...I was over-booked...I had too many things on my plate... Again, no kidding. So do the vast majority of Americans - we're a bit of a Type A country. Yes, all those things are still going to be true, but I have got to quit caving to using them as an excuse - or toss the towel in right now. To that end, I've had to seriously re-think how I'm going to approach this. I've decided that I'm a weak-minded mushroom who cannot be held responsible to be well, responsible. I can't just go about my day with no accountability - I'm a sneaker. So, I'm going to re-vamp how I rat myself out. Hope you all don't learn to hate me.


Here's how its going to work. I'm going to open the blog first thing in the morning. I'll start a "Blog" for that given day - and then add to it every time I eat. I'll tell you what I scarfed down, what I did for exercise, and various other diet-related garbage like that. It will all be under that day's date - followed by my normal rantings to the universe. If you could care less what I eat - just skip to the mind mash stuff. If you want to tell me I'm a porker - feel free. Maybe a bit of humiliation will act like a giant butt boot. Who knows? And last, I'm going to put the dreaded "numbers" at the top of the blogs. Oh yeah, that's right. I'm going to make myself stare at those stupid digits - all in a radical attempt to set myself straight.


You'll notice there is currently a gap in blog entries from November 2 - November 15. I'll be going back and filling those in over the next few days - I'll put a star and tell you which I did, if you wish to go "back" and fill in the cracks in logic. Eventually, my mind, my blathering, and my goals may all meet back up and move forward together. We'll see!


Thanks for hanging in there! At the least, maybe these past few weeks will fuel the oh-I-hope-she-fails faction. I've added drama! Let's see, in soap opera mode I would be glancing sideways with a pregnant pause - looking concerned. I'd have furrowed brows, perfect hair, and look contemplative - as if waiting with baited breath.


In reality? I'm pudgy, have sticky hair from a 13 mo old's spaghetti hands, and I'm embarrassed and ready to kick my own keester. Even I'm interested in how this is going to play out.


Wish me luck!

Alicia Hall - losing weight, and my mind, to raise awareness for pediatric cancer
www.crazycancermom.com

I love email! alicia@crazycancermom.com