October 31, 2007

Halloween. I think Halloween should be the National Holiday for Cancer Kids. Think about it.



You get to put on masks, wigs, makeup, and costumes. You can "pretend" to look like the walking dead and no one will suspect the circles under your eyes are really your own. You can cover the bald head that brings stares, and no one running past you on the sidewalk knows the truth under the hat. You can wear your germ-warfare mask, pair it with a surgeon's outfit - and people will think you're clever. Best of all, you can rake in a mountain of candy, and thanks to steroids...your parents will gladly let you eat yourself into sugar comas for as many consecutive days as the candy supply will fuel.



Halloween...its a whole new world for a Cancer Kid.



For the rest of us, there is Trick Or Treat. Beggars' Night is a wet dream to a chocoholic...and a Stephen-King-meets-Jason movie to a dieter. Yep, I whole-heartedly embraced the big O of the chocolate...and promptly had my head chopped off by Mr. Hockey Mask. In all, it wasn't the best of days for my ba donka butt.



The major problem is, I love Halloween nearly as much as I love chocolate! I loved Halloween before becoming CrazyCancerMom, but now I embrace it with my whole person. (see opening paragraph) The further problem, I want to be the Halloween superwoman. For years upon years, we lived in a neighborhood that was unsafe to Trick or Treat in. My oldest daughter never begged close to our house. We would "borrow" neighborhoods - begging in friends' subdivisions, or eventually near my sister's house. To be able to welcome little beggars to our own door, to walk our own streets...it just so exciting! I want to be the Halloween superhouse - the best decorated, the best candy...ever.

While my dedication to decor doesn't affect my derriere, my devotion to decadence surely will. You see, I refuse to be the sweettart person. I want to be the full-sized candy mecca. I want to be the house the kids race to first next year. Translation? I bought a case of full-size M&Ms, playdough for the little kids, 7 bags of various chocolate confections (the snack size - not the tiny bite size!), and 250 gummy things of various gross shapes. I had enough candy to jack up hundreds of kids...and it was glorious............

I actually made it a point of pride with myself, that I never touched the M&Ms. Hubby and daughter's 2 and 3 partook of a few bags one night, but I muscled through and never ate one. That, however, cannot be said of my 7 bags of wonderment, particularly since - 7 started as 8. If confession is good for the soul, I will now be racking up karmic bonus points by the gazillion. In the two days before Trick or Treat, I managed to single-handedly eat an entire bag of PayDay snack-size candybars. All by myself, alone, family never even knew they were here. Ack.

You've heard, "Give him an inch, and he'll take a mile." Well, in my case, "Give her a bite-size, and she'll eat a truckload." I fear the road to ruin has just been paved...I haven't quit sneaking, snacking, nibbling on the candy we passed out, or the candy the kids brought home. I'm utterly hopeless at the moment. This is going to be one vicious battle.

I'm so frustrated with myself! I can't, honestly, figure out how people don't eat the bad stuff. How can some people keep full candy jars? If its here, it haunts me. If I can see it, I "hear" it. I truly represent the worst of what parents don't want their kids to be. I'm nearly as obsessed as the girls right now. Except, they want suckers and gummies. They root past the Snickers, Butterfingers, Babe Ruths, and Reese Cups that call my name 24/7. How do you do that?!! If there is some magic potion that will relieve me of sensitivity to the siren song of a Snickers - please feel free to email me. I'd sell my left boob to shut up the shrieking chocolate.

I'm rather afraid that if I don't learn to turn a deaf ear quickly...I will have another blubber roll the size of my left boob to contend with.

Ahhh Halloween, my love and my torment. How can such a perfect day divorce me from all common sense and control? Am I really such a weak-minded twit as to be entirely bereft of self-control?

Um, Yes.

Alicia, the Crazy Cancer Mom, losing weight (at least in theory), and my mind, to raise awareness of pediatric cancer and its victims www.crazycancermom.com

You can always email me at alicia@crazycancermom.com or simply comment here.