Wednesday, September 26, 2007

September 26, 2007

The universe is gunning for my gams...and I'm just gonna have to say, "NO!"

That's right...I can hear the faint footsteps (that's a big fat lie. The footfalls are more like an elephant in combat boots) of the Blubber Behemoth. He's an ornery cuss. He gets his jollies from sneaking into unsuspecting bloomers overnight - and depositing his less-than-desirable bubbles of blubber. He's a right sneaky fellow...been pursuing me with a vengence this week.

Can I hear the great BB coming? Oh yeah. Have I, thus far, been successful in evading his evening deposit? That's a negative, good buddy. Mr. Behemoth has, unfortunately, had his way with my tush-ay the past few days. The soul-sucking sourpuss has added back a whopping 3.5 pounds! Argghhhh.................

Not that he didn't have plenty of help. The Birthday Blubber Fairy was more than thrilled to add her daily quota. Then, there's the king of Blubberdom...the master of all of Fattington...the Stress Distress. Damned Stress Distress. What in the Sam Hill did I ever do to him? Cripes. You'd think I'd at least have the joy of whacking someboy upside the head or something. No...I just had to go and reproduce. Kids = stress. And a medical kid? Well a medical kid bumps you into an entirely new stress zipcode. A medical kid with an emerging, and decently serious, issue...and heck, you may as well whip out the checkbook...you're buying yourself a Fat Farm.

Between the three, the Blubber Behemoth, the Birthday Blubber Fairy, and the Stress Distress...I've managed to whittle my weight loss from 14 pounds, down to 10.5 pounds gone. Bat crap! I mean, seriously, when I lose this 3.5 pounds, again, that will make the THIRD stinkin' time I've had to do it! ACK!!!!!!!!!!

And let me tell you, forewarned is forearmed. Anyone foolish enough to say, "Oh, don't worry about it - things happen..." stands the very good chance of being hunted down by the light of the moon - and beaten senseless with a week-old bagel. Not kidding... I'm on the edge here....

So here I go, back to starvation/craving/carb-deprived Super Hades. Bleck. If you have ever been asked if you would jump off a 200 foot suspension bridge, without a bungi, to fall into jagged rocks - coated in salt water and broken glass...then maybe you can appreciate my *excitement* over my next few days. If you haven't...then, lucky you. Kindly don't share your good fortune...I'm going to need exercise - and I'm not above hunting you down for sport.

- Alicia, the miserably-regretting-poor-food-choices Crazy Cancer Mom - suffering to make you laugh - and maybe to make you think about our kids www.crazycancermom.com

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You will lose it again..and then some. Keep up the good work - it's a worthwhile and admirable venture.
(I'd tell you not to be too hard on yourself, but you know where I live and could hunt me down with relative ease);)