Thursday, September 6, 2007

September 6, 2007

Day 4 - and the torment reaches a here-to-fore unheard of level.

First of all, let me share a rather personal tidbit. I had a dream last night...a moist, squishy, sweet and lovely dream. I dreamed of a dancing bagel.

Get your mind out of the gutter! It wasn't a man named B. Agel. It wasn't a pastry perched on a personal part. It was a LARGE, luscious, fresh and squishy Panera "everything" bagel -dripping in enough strawberry cream cheese to smother a mid-sized Toyota. Hmmmm....

No, it wasn't dancing the samba, don't be silly. It was simply swaying back and forth - and gently gliding closer...then farther...then closer... then farther...then close enough to smell the strawberry.... Hmmmmmmmmm. How could you even think foxtrot? I mean really, that would be ridiculous...

So here I was this morning, all wrapped up in my warm thoughts of Bagel-land...when my tiny and good-for-him-he's-so-cute son had to start the morning shriek fest. He went and robbed me of my bagel, just as I was ready to lick the cheese... I know suffering is Mother's job, but honestly, this was taking it a little too far.

So, downstairs I head for my meager morning offering of coffee and organic oats. (woooo.... I'm so thrilled) And just what do I find? Well, I'll tell you. I found proof positive that my mother is the devil. OK, maybe not the actual devil...but she's at least skilled in the art of torture.

You see, my hubby spent the last few days at my parents' house working at an out-of-town job. Because the kids were sick, my sainted mother decided to cook extra and send them some of their favorite comfort foods, noodles, mashed potatoes, meatloaf and potatoes. No question that having to avoid noodles and potatoes is a difficult enough task for a starvin' Marvin - but nooooooo, that wasn't apparantly "good enough" for the she-high Mistress of Mayhem. Oh no. Miss Mayhem the Maniacal had to go and send the children Brownies and Chocolate Chip Cookies!!!!!

Now I ask you, how can that be considered anything short of criminal?! I'm just beginning to hit the major withdrawal/craving portion of the torture-fest, and Mistress Malificent goes and sends chocolate confections to my dieting domicile. Foul! Foul Play I say!! I mean, c'mon...one would have been bad enough, but two? She sent two instruments of destruction to me?! The only possible answer: she made a deal with the devil to live longer if she makes sure she thoroughly stomps on my psyche periodically. Its the only possibility....

So that's how I spent my day, avoiding the pitfall of my pudge-fest. I even had to suffer the insult of opening the containers and handing the delicacies to my eager progeny. I tried not to whimper too much. The next door neighbor assured me it wasn't too loud....most of the day.

Breakfast: Oh whoa is me, I ate a whole cup of the organic oat puff stuff. Woo hoo. I'm living on the edge... 1 C coffee with 2 TBS creamer

Lunch: 6 oz meatloaf (thanks mom for sending one thing I could eat) with 8 oz of mushrooms dumped on it to pretend to be potatoes, 1 diet Coke, small salad - few drips of dressing, 1/4 C cheddar cheese, nothing fun on it.

Dinner: Huge, elephant-sized bowl of assorted weed-looking green stuff. 1 TBS salad dressing, 12 pepperonis, 1/4 C cheese, 1 C coffee w/ creamer.*

*Yes, I know darned good and well I shouldn't be drinking coffee. See earlier post, re: Bite me. I'm a bit bitter and cranky at the moment. In the interest of my children's well-being - I am not surrendering any form of caffeinated beverage at the moment. Wanna challenge the decision?!

Exercise: Utilizing EXTREME will power in not even licking a chocolate temptation today. I deserve high praise and a statue in my honor...

No comments: